


Fact of the matter

by Sagnfreidi



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angsting like the star of a teen holoshow, As in Jim is angsting, But like awhile ago, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Jim just can't get his shit together, Love Confessions, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Moral Dilemmas, mckirk - Freeform, toothrottingly sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 00:46:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15401244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sagnfreidi/pseuds/Sagnfreidi
Summary: Jim contemplates the near loss of his best friend over a solitary beer and a chat with the bartender. Bones hears more than he was supposed to.





	Fact of the matter

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short, sweet thing to brighten your day

The bar was one that Jim knew well from his academy days: he’d even go so far as to say that it was his favorite bar in the San Francisco area.

It had more to do with sentimentality over past exploits than with any particular deference to the bar itself. It had been here he’d first seen Bones again after the shuttle ride. It had been here their friendship had truly begun. I had been a regular haunt for the both of them after long weeks and hard exams, messages from the ex or awkward interactions with the admiralty.

It was a place that Jim returned to whenever he could, because even without Bones by his side, the place reminded him enough of his best friend that he felt less alone in the crowd than he otherwise would have. This had been true when he’d been the cadet they all scorned at as a stupid playboy who got by on his daddy’s name, and this was true now that he was a renowned captain and savior of Earth and the Federation or whatever it was they called him these days.

The bartenders had known him throughout it all, knew how more often than not Jim just wanted a quiet drink to gather his thoughts over, and they let him sit at the back corner of the bar without drawing attention to him whenever he was there alone. He was never very talkative, but something about his attitude must have seemed somewhat glum, because Evana, the shockingly frisky sixty-seven year old earth woman who’d stood behind the bar for decades, stopped by him with a contemplative frown.

“What’s wrong, sweetie? You seem really down today.” She asked. Jim looked up at her, caught between brushing off any talk of feelings and a need to talk.

“I… I don’t know. Suppose the weight of the mission’s just getting to me tonight.” He said with a shrug.

“Really? ‘Cause it seems more specific than that to me.” She said shrewdly, but not unkindly. Jim couldn’t help a small smile at the experienced bartender. No doubt she’d seen just about all there was of troubled Starfleet officers over the years.

“I guess you’d know the look.” He said.

“Wanna talk about it, sweetums?” She asked. He looked up at her.

“I suppose. I mean, it’s just. They’re all my responsibility. The crew, I mean. The missions might come from Command, but I’m the one who work out the details, send the people down there, on foreign planets. And of course, I want them all to come back up again. Hell, I never send them on a mission I wouldn’t go on myself.” He stopped, losing himself in thoughts for a moment as he took a sip of his beer.

“Yes?” Evana encouraged him to go on. Jim made a face.

“It’s just. I don’t want to put anyone at risk. But at the same time, there’s someone that I just…” He trailed off, and Evana looked surprised.

“That you wanna get rid off?” She asked. Jim startled.

“No! Of course not! Kind of the opposite, really. There’s someone I’m just not willing to risk. That I don’t want going on away missions if I can help it, because for all that I want everyone to come back up, for all that _I_ go on the away missions, _they’re just not safe_ , and I can’t… But what kind of morals are those, that I’m willing to risk all the crew except for this one person?” Jim looked imploringly at her for a moment, before his face turned distraught as he continued.

“So I didn’t act on it, and then he got hurt. Almost died, in fact, and I realized just how much I can’t do this without him. But what am I supposed to do? It’s not like I can have him with me up there without him doing his job. Not like he would ever allow me to keep him from it.” Jim huffed and then proceeded to stare morosely at the table in front of him.

“Have you talked to him about it?” Evana asked. Jim sighed and shook his head.

“Don’t know what I can say that will make this better, or without him realizing…” Jim stopped short, pink coloring his cheeks.

“That you love him?” The bartender helpfully provided. Jim sighed and nodded, taking a swig of his beer.

“I think you should just tell him. I never understood why you two weren’t together in the first place, the way you’ve been making eyes at each other all these years.” She said matter of factly, and Jim choked on his beer.

“What?” He spluttered. She looked indulgently at him.

“It’s not like you’ve been very subtle about your feelings for him, sweetie.” She said. Jim frowned.

“All the more reason to think he isn’t interested.” Jim said dejectedly.

“Or maybe he just needs a bit more encouragement than you flying from bed to bed in between sending him moony eyes. Just talk to him, for heavens sake, James.” She said, getting a little impatient. Jim felt a little defensive over her admonishing tone.

“What would I even say? _Hey Bones, so can we maybe agree that you don’t go on dangerous away missions, because I’m so in love with you that I don’t know how to exist if something happens to you_?” Jim asked mockingly. Evana grinned delightedly, if a tad wickedly.

“I’d say that worked quite nicely.” She said, pointedly looking to something or _someone_ behind his shoulder. Jim froze, unwilling to face the fact that more than likely, Bones was standing right behind him. Grinning, Evana turned away to a customer further down the bar, leaving Jim to slowly turn around. As expected, Bones was right there, staring at him with a somewhat bewildered look on his face. Jim’s heart clenched painfully.

“Bones.” He said, sounding excruciatingly nervous.

“Jim.” Bones said, like he was just as much at a loss for words as Jim was. The silence stretched out between them, awkward and painful. Jim realized that he couldn’t just sit there with the way his heart was breaking in his chest, but Bones stood between him and the exit. So much for the peaceful back corner of the bar, he thought sarcastically, getting up to edge around Bones.

“I’m sorry. Please just, forget about it, alright? I promise I won’t be weird about it. Just… I’m sorry.” He said as he worked he way past Bones, hastily turning and walking away.

“Jim!” Bones called from behind him, but Jim didn’t slow down. His whole chest was hurting, like his lungs had been ripped to pieces along with his heart. Maybe he should see a doctor about that, he thought with a kind of morbid humor.

The cool autumn air outside the bar helped, made him feel less trapped, but not really less miserable. Gathering his resolve to get as far away from this memory as he possibly could, he started walking away. He didn’t get far before he heard the door swing open behind him.

“Jim!” Bones’ voice sounded again, out on the street. Jim just walked faster.

“Jim, god dammit!” Bones sounded winded as he closed in on him, and then hands grabbed Jim’s shoulder, stopping him. Jim turned, angry because it hurt too much to be anything else.

“What do you want, Bones?” He snapped. Bones flinched, and Jim immediately felt bad, looking down on the pavement instead of meeting Bones’ much too compassionate eyes.

“Did you… did you mean it?” Bones asked, soft and anxious. Jim’s eyes flickered to Bones’ face and then away again.

“I… yes. I mean, it doesn’t have to be a problem, it hasn’t been so far. I’ll just…” Jim said, fidgeting.

“Jim, stop. You don’t… Please, look at me.” Bones said, but Jim refused, looking instead to the side and across the street. Still he saw Bones stepping closer to him.

“Please, darlin’. Show me those baby blues.” The change in tone as much as the words made Jim snap his attention back to Bones. Hope, raw and overwhelming, washed through him.

“Bones?” He asked, his voice infinitesimal as he took in the expression in his best friend’s eyes.

“You ain’t got a thing to apologize for, sweetheart. Except maybe not tellin’ me earlier, but I’ll let that slide considerin’ I didn’t say nothin’ either.” Bones said, voice honeyed with his southern accent as he crowded Jim’s space. Jim felt lightheaded and so completely lost, he could do nothing but just stare at his best friend.

“Bones. What are you saying?” He asked, unwilling even now to let himself believe that maybe…

“I love you, too, darlin’. God, I’ve loved you for years.” Bones admitted, practically purring the words into Jim’s ears as his sure surgeon’s hands came up around Jim. It wasn’t until then that Jim realized that he was shivering like a leaf, and he made a strangled, half-sob that maybe was Bones’ name before just throwing himself into Bones’ arms. It wasn’t a long way to go, since Bones had already practically embraced him.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much, Bones, I don’t…” Jim hardly even recognized his own broken voice as Bones tightened his grasp around him, shushing him gently and whispering promises and endearments into his hair until finally Jim laughed a bit shakily, but no less sincerely for that.

“Gods. I’m such an idiot.” He whispered, embarrassed, but Bones just smiled lovingly at him.

“Sure you are. Always have been.” He said, and Jim’s laughter became a little freer.

“So, now that you know. Will you please not go die on me?” Jim asked, and Bones looked seriously at him.

“I’ll promise if you do.” He said, and Jim nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I guess that’s a fair deal.” Jim said, and Bones took his hand and squeezed it.

“Come on, darlin’. Let’s go home.” He said.

“Just one thing,” Jim said before pulling Bones into a fierce kiss.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Jim said and then summarily pulled Bones off with him. Bones followed with a light grumble, and everything was right with the universe once more.

 


End file.
